Friday, June 19, 2009

i guess,

only gonna up date when i have something i really wanna right or whatevz.

while in my room having one of those emo days i guess. lets just say songs get to meee :( okayy i know if you read all my bloggs and what not they are all emo and shett but fuckkk what do you want me to do. i cant talk to my parents about shet like this like everyone else. and ya i know i have HKB and MOMI but i just dont know. i feel sooo helpless that its sooo sad. like i feel bad for my fucking self. ughhh! like today my parents got in to an arrguement and my dad yells at me and my mom about being dirty and that im not helping out. like wtf i did your laundry yesterday and then and i cleanned the house. then he tells me that i shouldve helped my mom out this morning, but hellller i was getting readyyy. and on top of that he was gettin mad at us for not being ready on time. like wtf i just got up and i never even eat breakfast yet. and then he yells out "dont talk back to me... maybe you should wake up earlier and help out" --- like WTF i help out enough and you stilllllll want me to do MORE.. are you keeding mee? no one my age does the fucking laundry for the whole family or washes errrbodies dishs. aor cleeaaans the whole house. and on top of that i never go out. people my age stay out till like fucking 2 or 3 in the morning. i have to fucking lie to go out and i dont even doo badd things. like if you really knew about other people IM THE BESTTT CHILD that anyparent would love, but no apparenttlyy im the fucking worst. like bitchhhhass wtf do you want from me. and you tell me i got it "good".. ya fuckin right. wtf ever. and like you always tell mommy that me and her dont have communication and thats why you always get mad. thats a bunch of BS because your the one with no communication what so eer. like you dont even talk to your other daughter and she still leaves in the same house as you do. how do you not talk to her. you dont even know her birthday. and on top of that you always tell mom to go talk to her to get money or to help around the house. i dont uderstand why you cant do that yourself. and you give me these lecture everyday of my life about how you want mek to finnish school and then you go on about how you dont want me to be like karen and you tell me to tell her help. and i tell you to tell her yourself and you start yelling at me of why i cant do it. wtf. you have no communication yourself sooo dont ever tell me that i cant communicate bcuz even if karen pisses me off to the point where me and her are gonna punch eachother we STILL TALK. our family is sooo dam corruptted. you dont even talk to your own brothers and sister. and you think that doenst affect me... it fucking does. i feel like i dont even have cousins becuase of you. i dont have any close family. like i cant go to anyone in our family and tell them EVERYTHING. ughhhhhh! then you tell me that i cant talk to aunty jessica. to me shes that only one i act really to tat is somewhat family. and she aint family. shes yout bestfriend girlfriend. and you cant even trust me with her. you have some fucking issuse and fuck i think to myself WHY AM I NOT CRAZY YET????? GUHHH WHATEVER. and i dont even know where to start with boys. like wtf you like me be bi or lez or something. like forreall you should know already. your a guy helller. fuckk. and you dont need to bring up my mistakes over and over again everytime you get mad at me. it already kills me enough that im not with the guy already but NO i guess thats not enough for you. you have to remind me everyfuckingday of my life and scwold me for it. im done with his ass but nooo you still have to fckin remind me errday. its soo sad that i have thoughts of becoming a foster child and thinking that imaaa have a better life then i do now.

and to my SO CALLED BFF! yaaa suree best friend FOREVER! i dont een think sooo i dont even think that we are even friends. i dont even remember when was the last time that we talked. and i dont even know if you really moved or not. and you only tell me that your going to move like 2 day before you really do. i dont even know what kind of friend does that to another friend. i say that we have been through sooooo much that its a little TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much, but at least be my friend. i cant even call you to cruzzz anymore cuz ill think that youll take it the wrong way. and i know that you will. i cant just earase you outta my life like that. you were a really big part of my life before and i cant make like your just a no body. becuz your not. you were always there for me before but idk anymore. i miss you but not in the way that you think. your the one who even told me once before that you just need me to be by you. i feeeel the same way. and i know that you dont wanna talk to me like that anymore and yaaa i understand but you not talkin to me at all. and i know that you think that you cant talk to me anymore bcuz you think that ima start liking you once again but you need to trust and at least say hiiii on myspace or aim or something. you make like im not even alive anymore. when i die is that when your gonna care about mee. is that the only time. well then i really dont think that your my frind at all. and if you think that i hate your gf bcuz of you, you got me all wrong. i never had a problem with her bcuz of you. the only thing that i have a problem dealling with her is bcuz she ponited at one of my girls and she shouldnt have. thats just rude and if anything she should only be having a problem with me and not anyone of my girls unless she has something agains them. well i gotta stop typing alreay cuz i cant really see what im typing anyomre due to tears and i dont even know if a make sence anymoree. b y e !

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